Telephone Consultation • 4 1 6 . 7 9 5 . 7 2 9 9

Top Menu

Three Painful Emotions That Can Result From an Erotic Conflict… And What to Do About Them

By Rob Peach

Posted in ,

Three Painful Emotions That Can Result From an Erotic Conflict… And What to Do About Them!Individuals may experience an erotic conflict when their sexual thoughts, desires or behaviours are inconsistent with their personal values or belief systems.

Erotic conflicts can cause people to be vulnerable to a number of painful emotions. And, if you are in conflict, it can sometimes be hard to remember that emotions are only emotions, and that they are NOT truths about yourself or reliable predictors of the future.

Here are three common emotions that I’ve noticed many individuals experience as a result of their erotic conflicts and, most importantly, some suggestions on how to cope with them:

Shame

Shame is the feeling of sadness or regret that you can experience when you have, or believe you may have, thought about or taken action on a sexual urge that you believe others may see as ‘wrong’. Shame can be a powerful emotion that can cause us to withdraw emotionally or avoid interactions with others.

One way to cope with shame is to choose to share your thoughts or actions with someone else, someone who you see as safe and as non-judgmental. The action of sharing your erotic conflict without experiencing judgment or rejection from others can help lessen shame.

Guilt

Guilt is shame’s ‘co-conspirator’. It refers to feelings of regret and remorse that you might experience if you feel you may have violated your own moral or ethical code. Guilt can cause us to devalue and make judgments against ourselves.

You can cope with guilt by taking some time to reflect on your own personal values and beliefs. At times, we hold ourselves emotionally to the morals and values of others, rather than to our own personal belief systems. Though our values change as we mature, sometimes we still hold ourselves up emotionally to the standards of our previous values, despite the fact that we have reevaluated and rejected those beliefs. Decide if what you find erotic is truly inconsistent with your current values today, rather than your values from the past or the values of others.

Anxiety

Anxiety refers to persistent feelings of worry or fear that something will happen in the future that you are unable to control. For example, you might have anxiety about what would happen when, or if, your erotic desires are discovered. Or, you might have the worry that acting on a sexual thought might cause you to betray the trust or confidence of your partner.

In order to better manage your worries, create a plan to ‘cope ahead’, so in the event that your conflict is revealed, you know exactly how you will manage any difficult consequences. Write a letter in advance that you might share with others if need be. Connect with others, even online, who share your worries and learn how they coped with their worries. Consider meeting with a therapist to help you to develop more confidence and comfort with talking about your erotic conflicts with others.

These are just a few of many emotions that you may experience if you are struggling with an erotic conflict. Remember, your emotions are valid regardless of the nature of your conflict.

The suggestions I’ve made on how you can cope with these emotions are based on principals of ACT and DBT. If you’d like more information on ACT, check out http://www.actmindfully.com.au/. For more information on DBT, check out http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/.

If you’d like some help finding ways to cope with your erotic conflict, please contact me today for more information.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Comment


btt